Winnie Johnson
1
she is distraught and beautifully human
I can't stand to see her sitting here
is it my disgust for where the world has put her or for where she has put herself?
is there a difference?
I have no say in where she sits or lives yet I want that control
I want to be able to tell her she can't but I am not allowed
stoping myself before I say anything and then she departs on her own
she leaves just as I have the courage to say something
its almost as if she knows she's only allowed a certain amount of time
has she learned to not push boundaries but to walk the line?
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was it disgust for myself after all?
it keeps me up
​
so painful to see people exist outside of you
how no pause occurs for you
we have to pause within ourselves
as we exist in the world outside of us
​
my chest feels heavy when I realize what we endure
how to find the silver
how to redirect
how to breathe without obstacle
without others smoke in our lungs
but we cant
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nearing the end of this thought comes an awful feeling of hopelessness and deep regret
maybe that's when I realized
the disgust I have for the world
when god left
but in my search
we are here
he is there
he's far
he doest feel the same way towards me
I'm left alone again
repeating old habits, as I do
I wish I was brilliant as I thought I was
he seems to think so
but what if this entire time it's been a lie
to everyone
authentically a liar
no one sees the light -- they use it
they use it until it burns out
dull-----------------------------
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-with gratitude to all beings -
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today her face peeled and bled
her smell filed the air we all sighed in
tears in my eyes and my stomach turns as I see my own eyes look back at me
2
anticipated breath
expecting less creates an everlasting expectation of life
so many different aspects to make one thing move
although
I never anticipated meeting you
you are like a breath
an easy breath requiring no labor
I labor my breath
over exert
to know the value of what is mine
you require none
you are not mine
how is breathing more than loving you
flow easily throughout
you are very light, floating
yet grounded
3
I find silver linings in being alone
escape to where you'll find me ill find it on my own
I feel left behind nothing in sight
finding silver linings in being alone
fight for myself and stand alone
​
I wish you wanted me
just as I am
for I have beginnings and I have ends
​
I find silver linings drawing hearts in the sand
finding new beginnings and finding new ends
4
everytime I think too hard about it my shin aches
from where I fell last spring
while gripping your hands
you promised I wouldn't fall
but look at me now
im on the floor
ive hit the concrete so hard ive lost my vision
how did I get here?
we both fell on our faces
​
I wish holding your hands was enough to save me
my aching shin reminds me of what was and then what wasn't
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lost in misunderstood exchange of hurt feelings and lost hours
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it hurts but at least I know I was there for it
there for you
there to fall together and again and again until we couldn't stand
​
couldn't stand to see each other
or speak
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is this how we love
?
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5
ive got sunshine
in my eyes and I can't count past ten yet
​
ive got sunshine in the light and I know
its way past ten
​
and I see you shine
in the darkest place of my mind
​
ive got sunshine in my eyes and I know its way past ten yet
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6
its been way too long since I got a chance to love you
I missed you before I even got a chance to miss you
8
surrounded by grass
I count it like sheep
countless thoughts
do you do the same?
​
you went to the other side of the field
I grew inside so I could fit the mold
never getting old
​
I count it like sheep tonight
waiting for you to come around
waiting for the light inside of me
waiting for you to get off my mind
​
7
flying high
to you
darling I love you
I don't know what to do
and I cry
at the sight of my eyes
​
darling I love you I don't know what to do
I can't breathe
I cant dream
I wait for you to love me
​
end myself for living
say the only words to me
believe me I try I try to see the beauty in everything
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singing me lullabies I close my eyes and towards the sky I go
so slow
beauty beyond compare I like to run my hands through your hair
​
seeing me tonight
I like to fantasize
​
we wake before sunrise
​
awake before everyone we know
9.
time spent with you
is like glass
mold you back to together again
your breath of fresh air on a heavy cloud
it hugs me tight
wraps arms around
to see you like this
hurts
i said not today
and never alone
take your
time
to see your own light start to shine
breathe in heavy cloud
realize no one else is still around
lie doesn’t shine
the way you do
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find ways back everytime
tear me apart and love me again
i’ll be here
nothing more to do
take your time
there’s no real rush
be right here
in due time
i’ll still be around
you say your stressed
hell me too
there’s a lot of things that i want to tell you
like i care
take your time